But when He, the Spirit of Truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth (full and complete truth). John 16:13

Even as you are reading this writeup, dear beloved of God, I have sought and still am in the process of receiving answers to many vital questions related to my marriage. I am not speaking as an overcomer yet as one pressing on. Many a times we tend to settle for the second best in our lives. We are ‘ok’ if our marriages are ‘just ok’. Yet if we truly know the living God and believe His Word, our marriages being a representation of Christ’s relationship with His bride(the church)- how can we settle for a cold and dying marriage!! Lets judge ourselves if we are subject to our husbands as Church is to Christ! Some of our struggles and battles are not so simple to comprehend and not every struggle has a blame game to impose. This is one of mine….

My first quest for an overcoming life was when one bold woman had the courage to tell me that even though I was a full time worker at His service doing ministry post my studies in masters that ‘I was a hypocrite’. Everyone around me was appreciating me for the life I was living, the sacrifices I had made and the choices I was making. Yet the word ‘hypocrite’ struck me hard that lead me to seek a life where my inward and outward life would correspond to each other and I am truly grateful to God how far He has lead me from there.

Now let me glide into one of the most important aspect of marriage that was almost buried without us even realizing it. I was known as a patni-vrata wife for quite sometime. The role of motherhood did bring a lot of challenges and we began to seek help from God and Godly people in our lives to overcome many-many challenges we were going through common to many married couples seeking to live a Christ centered life. The beginning of this year was very challenging when I received a call from quite an elderly sister. We were speaking our hearts out and in the passing she mentioned that she did not know that her husband really loved her. In my desire to pretend a spiritual woman, I disrupted her and told her she might be wrong in what she just stated. It was then she emphasized, yes, he does not love me!!! I had to pause for a while. I was heavy burdened after the call and within a few days another incident occurred when a husband told my husband that it was easier for my husband to speak highly of marriage and love yet not him because sadly his wife was a difficult person. I returned home again burdened and asked myself, my husband and reasoned with God that this seemed unfair. The fullness of peace and joy within a marriage while depends on both yes ….yet at the same time it shouldn’t be dependent on both. Because then God would be partial! Even if one spouse seeks to live before the face of God everyday, there should be peace and joy at home. Yes and if both seek to live a life seeking to please God and do His will alone, nothing could be more glorious than that!

The following months were one of the toughest months in our marriage. There was such a coldness in our marriage that I still cannot explain why. Superficially it could be zeroed down to the demands of the children, hormones, family needs, exhausting working hours, sleepless nights yet definitely these were just the ice bergs. And then there came the birthday of my husband. That’s one day when I do post something about my husband in public just because he deserves a little limelight 🙂 The quiet and shy person he is!! We had planned something for the following day. Cake cutting was planned for the day yet we felt a little cake cutting was required to start the midnight celebration. It was 11:45 pm and blinkit did not have an option that late in the night. So my husband walked down the street to find any shop where we could get a small piece of a cake. Meanwhile I stayed at home trying to write something down…I opened the text note and began writing….Gentle – and realized how many times during the year I had quoted to him how hard he was !! I deleted and began to write loving, yet I was reminded of the times when he was cold and did not encourage me or even had compassion on me when I was loaded with pressure from all sides . Then I deleted most of the words and tried to see how good a father he was and I was reminded of the hugless and kissless nights with the children !!! I did not wish to fake any word yet my heart cried to the Lord … Father!! has my love gone so cold! Was 8 years of marriage sufficient to kill the love and gentleness that we had in our marriage! Ohh Lord….please help us ….. I did not write a word and there was a knock at the door. There was my husband at the door, he could not get anything yet I felt such a compassion for him that I cried for the sad state of my heart. I hugged him and told him I have no good words to describe you. He replied yes…I have been such a bad husband past few month! It was then I received a reflection of my struggles a few months ago. I told my husband – No!! My love for you doesn’t depend on how you have been to me and to our children. Wasn’t Hosea been able to love his unfaithful wife Gomer and that was Christlike love! My husband has been truly loving to me, those around me and my children can testify to it yet it was then I realized I can fail to love my husband even if he is the most loving man on the earth! It was then I sincerely asked my Father to help me love him. I was reminded of the sister and the brother who had mentioned that they were unable to love their spouse because they were not a very loving person. Which logically seemed right! Yet on the 14th of October 2024 I realized that it was equally extremely difficult to love even a lovable person! So how did the Lord take us through … how did He help us! He lead us to further Truth and showed us what was missing in our lives….The quest is not yet over, the struggles are not dissolved, heartaches haven’t disappeared yet one thing is sure we are on the right path – the path to life and not destruction and He is faithful. He has lead us thus far, He will complete the task that He has initiated in our lives.

Dear wives, we have no excuse to live in bitterness and self pity thinking that a good marriage happens between two good people. The truth is no man is good and so is no woman. I know it is equally challenging for my husband to love me because I am definitely not a very lovable person. So what we quit? No !! WE Fight !!!! Let’s rage a war and strike hard on the doors (of help) like the widow who had knocked so often persistently at the gates of the King to receive justice!
Let’s not give up! Did our salvation depend on anyone else besides our surrender and the Lord’s work in our lives? No!!! Our quest for a Godly marriage – having a home like heaven doesn’t depend on our spouses!! It depends on us!! Our surrender, our breaking, our tears….
From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violent assault, and violent men seize it by force [as a precious prize]. Mathew 11:12

Let’s be violent to not settle for coldness in our marriage. We are one body and let’s seek to fulfil God’s will for our union in marriage.