A particular weekend, as we were sitting, discussing and planning a few things post putting the children to sleep. I remember the discussion between us ended up with me getting up from the couch with tears in my eyes telling my husband nothing seems to fall in its place. All our plans seem to be hanging in the air. Why was the Lord not backing up our plans? And then heading towards the bedroom to go to sleep still chocked with the thought that was my life so unrighteous that the Lord was resisting our plans !!! While I truly believed in the promises of God and the lack of fulfillment in my life meant to me that my life was not pleasing to Him or atleast I was compelled to think that way. I finally turned my back to my husband and went to bed with a heavy heart.
We woke up the following day, half of my burden still burried under the routine with our four small children and we headed out to church. We heard many profound truths in the church, had wonderful time of fellowship and while returning my husband shared something with me and then there was a bang!!! The scales from my blindfold eyes were lifted. God in His mercy gave me the revelation I yearned for and the answer to my much awaited and persistent question was revealed.
We reached home, got the children ready – their bath, snacks and helped them unwind their day. As I myself was relaxing for a while, the Holy Spirit made me look back at the past few months carefully. While nearly 70 % of what I had planned, calculated, sought to implement did not work. I was wondering why what had happened and what was wrong with us !! Yet one statement of a Godly brother stood out, ” God always positively responds to every single spiritual blessing we ask for!” Yes, God had been lavish, utterly so, in revealing His purpose for my life and making my ground firm in His love and mercy.
I had begun the year feeling so desperate to know a loving Father ! The very image of a loving Heavenly Father was deluded to my sight for a while as I was comparing the unloving and selfish love of earthly fathers to His love and the entire picture of His majestic love and compassion was getting gloomier day by day. Yet God in His mercy again caught hold of me to reveal Himself again. He began to show me the dimensions of His love especially through His Word and the manifestation of His word in my life. I began my year feeling desperate and cold in my attitude towards others especially struggling to love others yet today He has been leading me in ways so beautiful, reaching me out with His love and granting me grace yes His grace to love others, something I could have never produced on my own.
Very often in my quest to find out God’s will and try to understand His ways, I would seek for Godly articles or videos. A catchy heading would most of the time lead to a very sober or diluted article. I remember the statement of one of my friend. We are so hesitant to be vulnerable. So I rejoice at my weaknesses because I am strong in Him.
He has answered me and 70% of what I had asked for even with the most sincere heart was either not in His will or was not the best for me. He is my Father Who is the Magestic God and He knows to lead me in such a way that would help me bear most fruit. Anything that was good for my soul and spirit He never withheld it from me. Now it’s my choice to trust Him or not. A loss, a sickness, a breakage, a mishap, a burnt dish, a broken toy was not the cause of God’s displeasure towards me. I should never feel condemned that.. Oh I missed God’s will that’s why this has happened. God knows the fragility of my being and He doesn’t expect me to see the future. He knows my limitations. Only one thing is serious and that’s sin. I just need to be careful and not crucify my Saviour to the cross again. I need to be cautious to listen to the Holy Spirit daily. I need to walk in love. Yet, along this path even if I slip, He is not standing with a rod to correct me, yet with His arms He gives me a tight pull and restores me to Himself again. My love towards God is not a one time accessment with a high cut off value. No. It’s a relationship. If my earthly husband as human as he is, accepts me and my weakness and loves me the way I am. My Heavenly Father looks beyond this and loves me still! He knows how to fix things. The most broken toy as well. And in the process of all the trails, sicknesses, weaknesses and hardships, He has been successful in producing the most important thing that I need and that’s moulding me into the likeness of His Son. Amen.
