Today is the first birthday of our dear little Caleb. Praisy and I have been on this journey of motherhood almost around the same time. This day reminds me of my fourth journey which goes this way….
Once upon a time…!
This journey (our fourth) was always part of our dreams yet we did not really think we ever deserved God to lead us thus far……! We can never deserve to be blessed with a child. Children are God’s precious gifts and it is He only Who closes or opens the womb. It is His doing and we are humbled.
Even before we could get married, while we were considering each other as life partners for a joyous journey in life, I had a sweet dream wherein my future husband prepared 4 sticky dosas for me. Having woken up from the dream, I shared it with my husband and we laughed together. While we were getting our home furnished post our marriage in Bangalore, we were lead to get two sets of bunker bed for four children. We would have been laughed upon many a times, yet we continued to treasure our desires in our hearts even as we began our journey as a husband and wife.
Open to God’s will and being lead in our hearts, we moved on and sought the Lord deligently for the gifts He would be willing to grant us. Oliver, Theodore and Imelda were born in a gap less than 5 years and we were a family of 5 by the time we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.
Would God be pleased to grant us yet one more? What was God’s will?
Around the 1st birthday of Imelda, I had missed my periods and we had a wedding to attend. Upon our return, as was my mischievous practise even for my 2nd and 3rd pregnancy, I went and got the pregnancy kit on my own without the knowledge of my husband and I was so thrilled to see two dark pink lines. I waited for a few hours and shared the news with my husband, packing the kit inside a cover as a gift. We were both so excited and happy..! Two weeks into the pregnancy I began to develop lot of cramps and one final evening started bleeding. The Lord gave and He had taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord. This was a phase that made us realize that not all parents have settled with a small happy and go family. Many families around us were sincerely trying and praying and waiting upon the Lord for children. Just because we earlier had easy pregnancies did not mean that every one around us was going through the same phase. We were humbled and broken to have known that our attitude and words have been prideful, boastful and unloving towards many. May the Lord continue to give us grace to empathize and be gentle with every family seeking to receive these gifts from our Heavenly Father rather than be judgemental towards them.
A few months into the year, and we were crushed a little more. G4, G5, G6 did not proceed. I had 3 miscarriages in a year and we really had lost all hopes. We learnt two big lessons on our way to being crushed. Firstly God can give and take it away. Secondly it is only God Who was the Giver of all good things including children.
One final day on the 1st of January 2023, we had a family visiting our church from U. K. This dear Sister had 4 children that too all delivered by a caesarean surgery. I was literally trilled to speak to her. We had a good time and the Lord encouraged me through that Sister. On that same very day while we were heading to the church, as I was looking out towards the pavement on the road I happened to notice a mother, a gypsy. She had many children around her. She was bleaming with joy and so were her children. In faith I asked the Lord, “Father if it’s your will to bless me this one last time, please Father I am your handmaid!!” And so placing my hand on my empty womb I believed that the Lord had heard me. And that same very month the Lord blessed this womb to care for another baby. The Lord had indeed heard our secret and lond held desire. A desire that had even lost its faith. Words cannot express how joyful we were to have received this gift from God.
This journey of pregnancy was challenging and interesting. This pregnancy began with a long train journey and a number rides even a safari ride to quote one!! If the Lord desires to bless a woman with a child even the most bumby ride like the ride on a donkey can never harm the child. Throughout the pregnancy my husband was my mother, he took good care of me. Around the 34th week, I had developed signs of preterm labour which was treated. Around 36 weeks I had started getting my contraction pains at the level of 6/10 treshhold yet the Lord had sustained me. By 38 weeks the gynic had mentioned that the birth of the baby could happen anytime now and by 38 weeks 3 days we had to rush to the hospital having left our 3 little ones with one of our closest families. While I was going through the intense contraction pains, the dilation never seemed to progress and so the gynic was hesitant to administer any pitocin to induce the baby. I was told to just wait in the room. I would have really wished to describe how the expected normal delivery turned out to a cesarian, about the pains and fears yet speaking to a few sisters who have gone through this not once or twice yet even more than three times, I just wish to salute them and glorify my God for the strength He has been giving to each and every mother to go through the most overwhelming and painful phase of life – the Child Birth(Vaginal or surgery).
Having had three normal deliveries and one ceserian, I would like to state that child birth in itself is a very challenging phase. Nothing can be compared to the pain a mother goes through. Both kind of deliveries are extremely painful, humbling and we become so helpless that at the end of it we rather would just fall into the arms of our Heavenly Father and cry our, Lord I cannot take it anymore, You take it over. And He is so Faithful that He does!!!
Today we are truly humbled to have received these gifts whom we call The OTIC – gifts from the Lord. Gifts that cannot be possessed or grasped! Gifts that cannot be trampled and humiliated. Gifts that cannot be taken for granted. Gifts that cannot be experimented upon. Gifts that don’t deserve our carnal manifestation of anger, pride, selfishness, lovelessness and many more rather they are treasures from Heaven placed into our arms and our lives to cherish, value and care for. Not just the little ones, even the older the child grow the more they need our gentle care and love because they don’t belong to us, they are treasures from the heavenly treasury granted to us for a little while.
Today we are learning parents, parents who seek the Lord to truly love these children. It is only the Lord Who can place that love and selflessness into our lives to treat these gifts with dignity. Children are not mere numbers that we can boast about, they are dear souls, ready to receive the salvation of our Lord Jesus Christ. They are the nurturing disciples at our homes. They might challenge our lives, faith and question us on many things tomorrow, Oh Lord, give us grace that we could lead them to You and never be stumbling blocks to their lives. Strengthen our hands and hearts that we could meet all their needs namely spiritual, physical and emotional.
Dear Jesus,
We will Occupy (them) Till I(You) Come – OTIC
Oliver Theodore Imelda Craig
With love,
Jesse & Silas
Aww it made my heart glad to read this. So beautifully written. God bless your family and your heart to receive God’s will for you each time you had to wait after the third. It’s so humbling to read it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️