Spouse v/s children – doing it the right way!

“And that’s the reason I want to spend time with you..go for a walk with you rather than with the children alone…” and it was then I realized that I was pushing the children onto my husband soon after he finished his work rather than spend some quality time with him. Was I getting into some traditional ritual that was doing more harm to our marriage than good? I heard this podcast the other day about a young couple who were asked to go for a date by his parents just 2 weeks after the wife had delivered her first child. Why? to take a break….! I was wondering.. Thinking about all that we went through post my first delivery. Forget about dates, we were so overwhelmed by the sleepless nights and sleepless – tiring days that I actually had almost stepped into depression. It was like a phase where in I was left alone with a child to care for. Take care of him.. he is yours..! No one spoke about taking out time for yourself or enjoy yourself etc. We were bombarded with hundreds of advice that said… Honeymoon phase is over and here’s your responsibility. Even a pic taken by ourselves would be questioned.. Where’s your son..? Enjoying yourself alone..? 

Today we have been seeking God’s grace to prioritize our lives with the order – God first, marriage second, children third and then everything and everyone else….! True… The best gift we could ever give our children is a security in the knowledge that their parents love each other. I wish to cherish my husband every single day today, tomorrow and the years to come. I never would want a single day wherein I would be enjoying my time more with the children than my husband. I wish to make his day complete with my presence..! Isn’t that how God designs a family. God – husband -wife full-stop. Children are gifts given into our arms.. Not crutches that we invest on for post retirement years. Oh Lord! Save us from this and may we seek to dream and fulfill your plans made for our lives together. 

It’s so very easy to loose the focus on one’s marriage when children are all around taking up most of the time. I feel really exhausted and barely have any energy to even render to my husband at times. Raising up children does take our time. Yet, knowing that my husband’s need and time is my first priority could help us seek God for the needed grace to do the needful. I myself have been guilty to make the home revolve around the children. At times allowing them to speak while my husband would have something to speak to me. Recently we have been telling Oliver not to speak when Mumma – Dadda are speaking. At least by doing so we are trying to make Oliver understand that my spouse comes first and then you. He might be young to understand this clearly yet he does understand it. Speaking rudely or in an argumentative manner before the children, overruling words of each other are the things that we consciously try not to do at home. Children are growing and many times they know how to manipulate things so we check with the other person before granting a wish to Oliver else we might have overruled an already said word. For example.. My husband would have given a punishment to Oliver for not watching a particular video or a particular game and Oliver might come and ask for it knowingly. The only thing I need to do here is just check with my husband and let the children know that if Dadda has said No.. It’s a No..! 
My today determines my tomorrow… 

Tomorrow when they begin to leave the nest I do not wish to hold on to them. When they are old enough to start their family I do not wish to be a parasite. I do not wish to plan or see my future with them clinging around me to help me.. Even in my old age – I wish God grants us that grace..! I do not wish to have such a relationship with them that would make them co-dependent on me that would either result in them shunning me forever or make me a cause for insecurity in their relationship with their spouses. 

There is a lot more we will have to learn. Yet I praise God for the light that He has shown. Just 4 and a half years into our marriage.. I know.. There are years to go before we sleep yet a step today would determine a leap tomorrow. 

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