I will not push or pull open the door

The last portion of this article is written to tell Silas (my husband) that I wouldn’t wait for him. If he believes me to be God’s will for his life, he had to act upon it and do something and as for me I would take up any proposal that the Lord would bring in my life and lead me to it. I kept on repeating the phrase that I would do nothing to close an open door ( any other proposal) and would do nothing to open a closed door (that was his proposal).

Will not – pull the handle and close any door again nor will – push the handle and try to open a closed door….!!

This morning even as I was thinking ‘how God works’, I do not know why I was reminded of this

verse. Then a flow of thought within me asked this question, “why did Jesus say so..what was the meaning to it….?”

“How long am I to remain with you?”

Isn’t it right for us to want Jesus to continue to be with us? Does He want us to work independently? No…of course not!!..then why did Jesus say so? Why?? These words were ringing in my heart. Yes..yess..and suddenly I remembered why –

As I had mentioned earlier age is definitely taking a hold upon Uncle and Aunty. May God give me the grace to do what is required..!! Now…I have told Aunty we could keep a helper 24X7 yet finding a faithful one and a trustworthy person is definitely difficult. Let me describe some scenes at home

Location: Jesse (inside her room), Uncle (Bed room) , Aunty…(in and out the bed room and Jesse’s room and kitchen.)

Scene 1:

Aunty: Need to send this message

Uncle: Come I will tell, you should start using touch screen…be updated

Aunty: Ok

Uncle:( struggling himself)

Aunty: furious….what..!! you have been using this phone for quite sometime and

           you still are struggling!!

Uncle: Give me some time…let me learn.

Aunty: I will ask Jesse….she knows it.

Uncle: Dey..!!

Aunty: Jesse..!!

Jesse: WHAT ?

Scene 2:

Aunty: Need to fill this form.

Uncle: Check online.

Aunty: Jesse will know.

Uncle: Yes..Dey!!

Aunty: Jesse..!!

Jesse: WHAT ??

Scene 3:

Aunty: When are you leaving ?

Uncle: 1st … 29th??

Aunty: Monday..isn’t it ?

Uncle : yes….

Aunty: Timings?

Uncle: Ask Jesse..she has all the details..!

Aunty: Jesse

Uncle: Dey

Jesse:  What?


Uncle: Dey, who was the pastor whom we met in …


Uncle: What’s his name ?

Jesse: I think ……………..

Uncle: Spell

Jesse: ………

Uncle: Do we have his number ?

Jesse: Wait let me come..myself.

Scene 5

Aunty: This phone is useless

           We cannot even delete one thing here

            everything gets deleted!!

Jesse: What do you want ?

Aunty: I do not want to delete all the messages..just this one

Jesse: Show

Aunty: This Uncle only …forcing me to use this phone..older phones are so easy

           this is a nuisance….we cannot even delete things…

Jesse: Do not say..’we cannnot’…say..’I do not know Aunty’

Aunty: it’s not possible

Jesse: Done..take

Aunty: (smiling) thank you

Scene 6

Uncle: Dey tomorrow at 7:30 am da..!!

Jesse: Tommorow is Thursday Uncle

Uncle: Just a few hours..by 10:30 you will be free

Jesse: Uncle!! GO by auto…!! I will not come.

Uncle: Dey dey dey

Jesse: stamping her feet to the ground….leaving the room..in haste……go by auto..final!!

Uncle: Within 2 minitues you will come and say ok……jesse is a good girl..we know it.

Jesse: smiling and winking – entering into the bedroom///laughing…you are very bad!!

Uncle: Our jesse is good

Jesse: what time…tomorrow..sharp 7 :30 OK

So these are some scenes , considering the milder-intensity incidence. Then –

So this morning this was in my mind. How did Jesus prepare His disciples. There was a confusion in my mind, God wants us to trust Him in everything..isn’t it?

Then, does He want us to act independently? This was so confusing…!!

I’ve told Uncle something like this…during those quite calm evening hours –

Uncle, listen..I am very glad to help you..I love to..yet..I fear that you are getting very much dependent on me. Do not be so dependent please.

Does Jesus want us to be dependent on Him?? How is it supposed to be?

Here is this verse giving us a slight clue..While these words  of Jesus ….. I believe was said to

the disciples…” how long will I be with you? There were many people in the crowd (the father of the boy, the disciples and the scribes and Pharisees) So while some words were for the Scribes, this particular statement  must have been for the disciples…!!

Later in verse 22, Jesus tells them about His departure that He would be handed to men, killed. So most probably..Jesus must have told these words to His disciples !!

During my 12th standard, many unlikely incidents had occurred in my life. All put together, my studies was in a pure mess. Actually I should say…’ the grace of God was not with me’ inspite of all of this,

I was a fool to expect good percentage for my board examination, while it was very clear that I did not perform well.

So the question is

–  ‘Only Faith’ without ‘work’ ? OR

–  ‘Faith plus work’

– Trust and obey? OR

– just trust and leave it.? Hmmmm??

Hope I have made it clear, things that I wish to deliver. No! no! no! am not telling  you to do something, when God has told you not to..that’s not what I am telling to.


This could be said in this manner….’ Only when you take a step will the next door open’….’unless you lift your feet, how will things happen’?

We are not machines, we have a free will..given by God..!!

“You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.”

― Amy Carmichael

I think Paul puts it well in 1 Corin 3:6

I planted, Apollos watered, but God  ( all the while) was making it grow and He gave the increase.

I believe this verse gives a beautiful exhortation.

Also isn’t it easy to say,” God will take care”Good bye..!! and do nothing in that regard. I have done this myself and I repent this day..even while typing it down.

I am reminded of this verse here..

Esther 4:14

For if you keep silent at this times, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, …And who knows but that you have come to the Kingdom for such a times as this and for this very occasion

Only when we mix acid with a base will reaction take place. Without mixing, nothing will come out.

Above all..’fear of God’ as the Bible says ‘is the beginning of all wisdom’..so true…!!

I am little cautious these days to post matters that might pain others…in the past I have unintensionally caused pain to a few. So..I was not sure if I should post this, so I prayed and asked my Heavenly Father…I wouldn’t until You lead me…!!

So the day went by at 5:30pm when we were travelling we received a call from a well wisher. He spoke to Uncle and then to me.. I was thinking…of all..why..now..!! Why should this come now….!! Not again..am not comfortable Lord…!! Yet….I battled it, sought for grace and did not lose my peace as other times. Then a small soft voice…”didn’t you ask for a confirmation Jesse”

Oh Lord….yes I did…!! SO the call was a confirmation ….so that I post this …!!

Dear Brothers and Sisters I repeat,

“For if you keep silent at this times, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from ELSEWHERE”

Have the fear of God and may God direct your path. The Fear of the Lord will direct you to do that “which is righteous” RIGHTEOUS !!!

I have examined myself…….judged myself….Lord….that’s all I can do..nothing more. Will not

– pull the handle and close any door again nor will

– push the handle and try to open a closed door….!!

I trust God and He will do what is the best for me…What is HIS best me..!!

As I have already mentioned once,

family,friends,relationship, aimbition, desires…..nothing has ever stood that ‘Strong’ (enough) in my life to prevent me from choosing His divine will. It’s God’s grace…..Past speaks …. if needed future  too might be the same.

Vinny and Amreetha were the once who encouraged me to stand for the election for the 1st year Represenative post in Woman’s Christian College. I still remember an advice Vinny had given me that day… ” on the stage ..never speak from your emotions…!! Never jesse”

and poor Jesse…I fell for that. I spoke something emotionally and was ruthlessly cornered by the then secretary and senate members including the lecturer in charge….!! It’s hilarious when I think about it now…!! Yet, God did give me the post in spite of my failures and limitations, I do not not why !!

IN the darkest of days there is always that ’ray of light’ that shines brighter than the ‘temptation’ to give up that’s what has kept me thus far. I know the rock from where I was curved out so there is no place to be proud about what God has been doing for me.

But for HIS grace I would  have not been saved….!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *