Contentment – my need of this hour

The entire night he sloughed and finished the remaining dishes. He emptied the water drum kept in the dry balcony as we were planning to discard junk from that area. I was putting Oliver to sleep and I slept off. Woke up by 1 am and smiled at him. Thanked him for all his help.

Recently we have been very careful about not physically taxing my health. Household chores and caring for the children has been quite tight. Probably a new phase in this life. I finish the maximum I can by 10pm and then hand it down to my husband.  I always call my husband to carry the bucket of clothes to the balcony so that I could dry them and in his absence I lift half a bucket at a time. This has become our new normal. Trust me it’s amazing and tiring as well. Had I been working or studying for an entrance exam, my role and calling as a woman would have been greatly praised – ‘proud of you Jesse’, yet motherhood isn’t a very honouring call in the world isn’t it ;)Yes.. Coming to where I had left. He finished all he could. Killed a few cockroaches by spraying his self – invented harmless solution and that was the end of the day. We woke up in the morning and I began preparing the breakfast and that’s it. This is how My day+evening +night shift begins. Somehow around the noon in the midst of my morning shift – soon after giving bath to Oliver, followed by bath to Theodore, Oliver began asking for food. I still had one whole hour to complete the lunch. I had to first feed Theodore and then enter the kitchen to prepare lunch for us. I was getting provoked. I happened to glance at the 8 ripe Guavas bought the previous week plus the 2 kg sweet potato and began worrying about the task to consume them without wasting it away. “Why did he have to buy ripe guavas when he knows it wouldn’t last even for a week”!!! “Why did he have to buy 2kg of sweet potatoes!! Just because I happened to make a new dish out of it yesterday, did he have to get so excited and buy the entire market”!! And in frustration I barged into his office room and requested him never to waste money over food that is beyond our quantity of consumption!! Was that all..!!! I was overwhelmed by the constant nagging of Oliver and complained about the pile of work I had to do not realizing the grace that was always with me. I began crying bitterly. It was then I realized – Even though my husband had gone out of his way to help me the previous night, I could still get upset over him. It’s not about him or his inability to help me during the day due to his work pressure neither is it due to Oliver… It’s me…!! It’s me !! I am the problem here…!! I am not content with my life ..!! I realized that I have not been thankful to God for all His provisions and that was the main reason for my ungrateful spirit. I began begging my Father to please gift me the fruit of contentment. I need to be content. I need to be thankful. This spirit of complaining needs to leave my life. I am a child of God and this displeases Him. He is saddened to see me being ungrateful I need to relearn from a child – how to be content in life. Father help me.

Recently Oliver was able to spot a shopper bag full of broken toys or the unused toys which I had safely discarded and had kept it in the corner of a room. He carried the bag to the hall room and scattered the toys onto the ground and began rejoicing – ‘So many toys I have…!!” My heart was touched and ached at his innocence and spirit of contentment. Father help me.. I am in need…! I prayed.

I have been much freed from the burden of life since the day I started to cry out to God to help me with my struggles rather than blame someone for it. It has been amazing to have such a close fellowship with my Father Who has never pushed me away whenever I diligently sought Him. Thank You Father.

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