Being a mother to these children

What am I to do now .. am on the last page of my 7th diary and have not been able to buy one. All the other 7 were gifted … and now haven’t bought any due to this rains. Hope soon I would be able to get one or two – big ones 😉

Yes…something that’s in my heart for a while that’s made me move up and down the slope. I was working on the surface for quite some time now, and life is taking me to the deeper grounds. Yes, am talking about ministry only. Ohh… I am so scared lest the net of  “………………” grips me ..!! Lord save me..!!

The more I try to withdraw the more I find myself into it. Things are definitely going far beyond my understanding. Lord give me a revelation and understanding of Your work.

Recently was in a very remote village church and there was a young mother who had  come to me and  she told me that she wanted a boy as she already had a girl. She was explaining how another girl would mean more expense when she grows. I tried explaining that children are a gift from God – girl or boy alike. She was insisting ‘Sister..just say a word that I would have a boy.’ I resisted . I told her girl is also a gift. She kept pleading … ‘please just open your mouth and say it would be a boy’. I spoke a few more words and withdrew. I got disturbed and sad. No not about the incident … I was thinking about the need for a mother there. Someone who really cared.. Oh !!so many preachers today and very few /fathers/mothers. People are excited about preaching here and there, abroad etc…and as for me ..with every move I beget new children and I need to care for them..at least that’s the least I can do… !! I cannot and would not judge yet…we need more fathers than preachers… and yes I definitely need one.

How saddened I get when people tell me God is using you…!! Using me is it?? Where are the fruits..show me the fruits..show me how many of my children are growing ..then I would rejoice..!!

Oh..how blind are we …blindness has taken power over man.

I have always reminded myself of this thing – ” Pharaoh too was used by God. God displayed His glory and might each time Pharaoh hardened his heart. God did it and we know his end. ” No I don’t want to be merely used by God…No I don’t want to be a Pharaoh.

I get angry yes…. I do …  when the blessing of God is compared to wealth and material possession…. Oh how much I hate to listen to it. I have literally closed my eyes and wept when people share their testimony on that. I had in the past done the same foolish thing..I admit it…today having received light ..Lord save me …..!! ’The presence of God is the sign of His blessing..the joy of the Lord is the sign of His blessing….!! How Blind are we ..!! Oh Lord save us..!!

Let me share this thing..it’s little hilarious though…one Punjabi family calls me now and then … His 13 year old daughter calls me ‘ phua’ meaning  aunty….I asked why?, to which she says if my Dad (50 yrs) calls you sister than you are ‘phua’ to me… and oh!! how I laughed that day.

Yes , this brother calls me every now and then. Recently he called me as he had to buy a vehicle for his job…some power plant job…He called and asked me to pray for him as he  was afraid if he could pay the loan…and so I prayed. After a week or so he called me again…I attended the call and he asked me didiji..pray for this !! I asked what? I have bought the sumo..Mahindra sumo..pray for the newly bought vehicle …thank God he didn’t call me again when he for the first time filled  petrol in the vehicle…!! Just kidding..!! I prayed for him yet all the while there was a thought running in my mind….I was overwhelmed by the child-like faith he had. God bless him…!!

Thanks to Airtel ,  since we are a very old customer ..we are getting a free std and local call pack for some small amount and even as I get miss calls ( coz I attend none) I call them back and yes, each is of atleast 20 mins. Sometimes I get tempted to skip them yet what if God wants me to help them, give a word of hope…!! See how selfish a person I am..!! No, no friends I am not a Martha… it’s all because of a prayer I frequently make..”Lord may I be a blessing “

And as usual my Heavenly Father takes my prayers very seriously and so He immediately answers them, and what if this is the answer to my prayer.

Yes, am having dark circles around my eyes..ohh don’t get deceived by my photographs..they are deceptive 😉 No time to go to the beauty parlor for a facial touch up also 😉 and yes sometimes am down with severe headache…!!

Yes, He has called me and I am to respond.. am to give my time and strength for His kingdom. Isn’t it glorious…that’s my calling …. Your’s might be something else…mine doesn’t make me more superior ..Never!! Only God could give me the grace to take this on…along with others. (>>>>>>>>>)

Someone spoke to me this way “ next to Mr. Modi you seem to be a very busy person…” I laughed out ….!! Yes, I don’t like to be called busy…rather occupied with His work..according to His will and His time .

Few weeks ago I received a miss call..it was a call that I missed..and so I called back. The person on the other side rebuked me …..

X –    ” Get back to wattsap” that person said.

Me –    What? Who are you to tell me so…”

X –       You are a follower of Christ…I know…and if you don’t have time

to even speak to me..I don’t have time for your God’’’

 

this was what that person said..! Don’t ask me what I said or did..!!

Still … !! What do you say..!!

 

Yet above all….when even one of my kids tell me they are moving on in their faith and how they are getting close to God…oh my day is made. Yet as many know me…it’s little difficult to be a mother as I need to listen to them…and am little bad at that..coz I sometimes desperately need a listener myself…!!

And that’s how after a tired day..I get back to my room..open my green mat … and look up and say….

“ Okey….now what about the needs of this mother dear Father ? Children are incapable to listen or even understand the needs of a mother..probably they would faint listening to her. Listen to me Father.. it’s my turn now..!!”

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