Are my words comforting?

How often do we share our struggles with others? And how well are we received? As a woman I have realized that it is very important to speak the right word at the right time. If my words could not heal the other person’s wounded/broken/crushed heart – It would be better for me to remain silent than speak. 

A woman’s heart is like a rose. She can get crushed easily. We speak a few unwanted words and she could carry it for lifetime. That’s why as a woman I need to really seek God’s grace to first bridle my tongue to keep calm in all circumstance,
speak/text/write only when God wants me to and be quick to apologize for any hurtful words spoken. That way we could continue to be a fruitful wine for the Lord. 

1. When a person shares her problem or any physical ailment with me and what she gets to hear is….. Ah… It’s nothing!! I went through it. It was blah blah blah for me…! When I try to nullify the pain of my sister calling it common or brushing it away telling her she needs to go through it as she is a woman.. I am not walking in love rather in arrogance trying to push a point that – hey.. See do not make a cry about your pain.. It’s a little discomfort. Don’t make a big fuss about it! Here by equating my problem to hers and giving a soft ground to what she just shared makes her feel that she was either too weak to be mentioning it to me or it was a normal thing that required no concern at all. 

2. Listen – listen and listen! There is some special grace in a friend of mine that whenever and by that I mean whenever I share my problems with her, her words comfort me – yes to the core of my heart. These days we do not have much time to spend in texting forget about calling. So, we leave audio messages for each other which the other person replies in her free time.

Yes, woman are designed to be emotional beings. I accept it. If I am disturbed emotionally I can end up being awake an entire night even if I am tired. At times a woman has nervous breakdown due to constant unattended heartaches. So if someone comes to me with her problem the best thing I can do or sometimes the only thing that I should do is listen.. Speak nothing – just a phrase like “I completely understand what you are going through” – could heal our hearts like wonders!

3. Understand that the tolerance to pain especially physical is different for each person. I have given birth to three children by normal delivery not by my strength – by God’s grace alone. I know of many many friends of mine who desired and even started their labour with the leaning for normal delivery yet due to some complications it ended in a c-section. My third pregnancy could have been that way. God did not allow it and only He knows why and He knows the best. Yet there is an itch in the tummy of many woman especially the older generation to belittle such woman who give birth through a c-section calling them as people who do not have strength. What a foolish idea! May we be more compassionate in our words especially to those seeking that little comfort. 

4. A woman’s body is like a rubber tyre yes true. With every hormonal imbalance she can either swell or contract and in most cases swell up. With puberty, pregnancy, breastfeeding and menopause there are a lot of changes that takes place in her body which she is not in control of. Today even tough I eat just enough for my body each day – I still have a baby tummy looking like I am 6 months pregnant. Yes, I have diastasis recti and it might take a while for the split muscles to get back to normal, yet there are very few who understand it and refrain from commenting on the big baby tummy I still carry. It doesn’t take a while for anyone to leave a negative comment about a woman’s body yet it takes quite a long time to wipe off the scar that’s the outcome of such unthoughtful words. 

5. I could go on with this yet would like to end up with a special text message my husband had received from a sweet Aunty when we had come to know that I was carrying our 3rd child last year. While we really desired for a big family, my third pregnancy came to us as a shock. Our second one was just 7 months old and I was suffering from extreme morning sickness (at evenings) during that phase. Doctor had suspected amaebiosis and I was literally in tears on most of the days in my first trimester. We had casually called this Aunty and she who is actually not related to us in anyway except for the purchased blood of Christ, encouraged my husband in such beautiful words which I had never heard from anyone before.

Aunty: Take care of Jesse in a special way. Give her much needed love and care and rest physically and emotionally. We call it TLC tender loving care 

Husband: yes Aunty

Aunty: for mother’s with frequent pregnancies more from husband.

Husband : seeking God’s grace for the same. 

(For those interested to read – this is her blog as  she writes edifying and comforting words especially to mom’s
Truly only a person who has gone through much pains can understand another person’s cry. It’s time we bridle our tongue and speak only what we need to – words of healing and comfort for the ones who yearn for it. 

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