I have begun to feel that my posts post marriage is partially biased. I told my husband the other day that I wasn’t being fair with my posts as I have been sharing articles that show the beautiful lakeside view of our marriage and have not spoken much about the greasy oil stained slabs of our kitchen that aren’t very pleasant to look at. The truth is with Christ in our vessel we can smile at any storm !!
We have had many storms in our lives. From the day we independently sought God’s will in our marriage right upto 2 months post our wedding day, we had quite a many rough storms in our lives. I am not writing this article to speak about those storms now, there is yet another syllabus comprising of many storms as we begin our life as a couple together.
First year of any marriage is mostly a honeymoon phase. We are more kind with our words. We do not want to hurt the other person. We do not want to trouble the other person about our likes or dislikes. We do not compare ourselves or our spouse with any other person. We are stronger physically ( before childbirth in the case of a woman). We do not allow our parents or their opinions to interfere with our lives. We spend as much as time with the other person…
Our first year of marriage or say it until our first son was born, WE DID NOT HAVE ANY DISAGREEMENT EVER!! Wow,….sounds such a perfect marriage. Yes this might sound one, yet the Truth is ..such a marriage is not a Godly marriage at all. Because this would mean that the two individuals in this Holy Covenant do not have fellowship with each other. We indeed had a peaceful marriage. I would never express my likes and would always be willing to do what my husband desired and never once placed my desires above his. We never dared to speak openly about the things that we did not like. We were at peace with each other. Yet, with the birth of our first son, we began to feel the pressure of another responsibility. Sleep deprivation, increasing expectation for help from the other spouse, more time, more love ( expressed love), hormonal changes (in the woman), lack of time ( with an demanding job) and above this our own selfishness…resulted in couple of disagreements. These all are facts about our lives yet the greater truth is now we aren’t just in peace with each other, we have begun to have fellowship yes true fellowship and that by the grace of God is growing day by day.
So, having disagreements isn’t a negative scenario of a marriage. What’s most important is how we deal with each disagreement. There are many times my husband gives up on ‘his’ way of doing things and yields to mine even when we both know that his is a better way of doing it. At the same time, many other things are done the way my husband desires, not because he is right or I am wrong or vice-versa, it’s because we are no longer individuals in a marriage – we are a team and when we work as a team there is always a give and take phenomenon to it. The moment I realize that our marriage is not a battlefield against my husband yet a Covenant established by God to shame the devil, to show him how heaven would look like on earth, I will work to build it and not tear it down.
I have now become closer than ever before to my soulmate that I can freely express myself to him. I can tell him when I do not like the things he does. I can tell him openly today that there are things that he does or doesn’t do that hurts me. I can tell him that we need to make decisions as a couple and not individually. At the first sight of my husband in the morning, I can tell him to his face that ‘you crashed last night without spending any quality time with me and so I am upset with you!’ Earlier it used to take me an entire day to let it out or sometimes I would hide my emotions so well and beneath the smiling face would be a groaning soul..crushed with an aching heart. Today I can tell him that I am the head of the ‘kitchen’ and that I decide what I eat as all eatables are in the kitchen and he cannot force me to have just anything he desires. And immediately he decides to shift the fruit baskets to the bedroom!! 😉 The other day he so openly shared that now he has learnt how to begin the day with a smile on his wife’s face by getting her a cup of milk and some cookies right upto her on the bed. ‘ I am sure to get a big broad smile on your face when I do that’, he said.
Any healthy disagreement is good in a marriage for it just shows that God has united TWO completely different individuals in a marriage. Yet, how we deal with the disagreement is what we need to seek God’s grace for. Any believing couple would agree that disagreements if handled with God’s wisdom and grace will never result in anything unpleasant. Two individuals united in marriage seeking to please God in their lives will always find God’s grace even in the toughest of all situations. As long as Christ is in our marriage all the disagreements we have will result in fellowship !! If Fellowship is the sum total of Truth & Grace in a marriage. And if ‘ love’ denotes grace then ‘Disagreements’ is ‘Truth’.